Dutch Driving

A first experience of driving in Holland can be positively bewildering But do not be dismayed. You are not an inferior driver. You have simply missed some elementary unwritten rules of the road.

Freeweeling Ways

1. Drive as close to the car in front of you as possible.
   
   
2. Change lanes constantly while driving. Roads are built from taxpayer's money. If you paid your taxes, it's your right to use as much of YOUR road as possible.
   
   
3. At least two cars should go through each red light. Avoid, at all cost , reducing speed or stopping. Any brake-light indication combined with an amber or recently-red traffic signal will subject you to a barrage of stereophonic horn-blasting even though it is considerd vulgar to use the carhorn except in an emergency.
   
   
4. If you witness a motorist driving through a red light, sound your horn violently in tribute while you visually scold the violator for his flagrant disrespect nof the law. Move alongside of him and pound your head with your right hand. Appropriate angry facial expressions, bouncing up and down on your seat.
   Yelling idioot (idiot), godverdomme! (God be damned) and klootzak (scrotum) are beneficial.
   Never mind the fact that you are more of a traffic hazard than he was as you accelerate, slow down and wander across the fast lane, concentrating on your gesticulating.
   
   
5. If you are the first car to stop at a red light, do not expect to be able to see the traffic lights. Thanks to brilliant Dutch engineering, your car will be sitting directly under the lights. Just relax and rely on a honk or two from the car(s) behind you. Horns are guaranteed to sound if you not react instantly to the green light.
   Alternatively, step out of your car until the light changes. This at best is taken as an display of protest by the locals, and at worse is taken as an expression of your individuality.
   Both earn you much respect.